Have you ever watched a five year old helping to make a cake?
All the ingredients are there, as are all the required utensils. What follows is chaos incarnate and loads of fun and laughs. Lansdowne and Clontarf know each other very well, both on and off the pitch. Well enough to have shared players and senior officials without any of the faux rancour that other tin pot rivalries often contain. This was epitomised by the lunch speech made by the Lansdowne President, Conor Shaw, who spoke warmly about the many players who had played for both clubs but, in particular, his father Denis, who was a towering personality both on and off the pitch in Clontarf before moving house to Churchtown and joining Lansdowne.
So it was in that warm spirit of comradeship that we settled in for what I call the 80 minutes of hate, while the game is on, to be followed by congratulations and commiserations when the final whistle blows.
At this stage Clontarf surely must have worked out how Lansdowne start games. Turn the key, hit the accelerator and keep the foot down until the scoreboard is clicking madly.
Clontarf greeted this pace by defending with the intensity of a sixteen year old being brought to 8.30 mass and were 0 14 before you could say welcome to Castle Avenue. When given space the Lansdowne backline are outstanding and ripped a distracted Clontarf with an opening brace.
Fionn Gilbert got one back with a superb block down at the Lansdowne line. Just reward for the many efforts in the past that have brought no change. After a couple of penalties for each side had the score at 10 17, Lansdowne added a third after a scuffed drop out went straight to their second row who made it under the posts after a suspicious looking block on Ben Griffin opened a gap.
Clontarf then proceeded to wake up and dominate. After both John Vinson and Fionn Gilbert made good ground Con Kelly spotted Tadhg Bird wide on the left and the cross kick was bang on the money and Tadgh got in for a superb try. Con Kelly added a towering convert for 17 24.
A few minutes later Tarf were back and after good work by the pack, Tadhg risked life and limb with a surge for the line, which the massed defenders could not stop. The referee was beautifully placed to see Tadhg dot down before being thrown back like a drunk out of a western saloon.
So, after a wild first half the sides parted at 24 24, leaving the spectators wondering what it was going to take to put some structure on the game.
The second half was equally as unpredictable as both sides struggled with innacuracy.
Clontarf kicked off, Lansdowne knocked on and conceded a penalty in the scrum. Tarf went to the line and scored off the maul for 31 24. Three minutes later Tarf were back in the same spot after Lansdowne were penalised for a neck roll at a ruck. This time a peel around the front and serious determination from John Vinson saw him score in the corner for 36 24.
Lansdowne then had their golden period and after some great recycling, centre Parata got in at the left corner for a try converted by out half Madigan for 36 31. As we approached the final quarter second row, Juan Buakes gambled on a long pass and took a classic interception to go under the posts and Lansdowne were back in front 36 38.
Remember the movie Rocky II ….. Last round …. Rocky and Apollo Creed absolutely exhausted, Mano a Mano undefended punch after punch until neither one could stand up.
The final quarter saw an increase in fatigue and with that more errors and doubtful decision making. Tarf kicked off after the try, Lansdowne knocked on again and were caught offside for the penalty. Con Kelly made it 39 38 and every defibrillator on the sideline was overheating.
Lansdowne got in on the left after a dropped pass on their 22 was hacked downfield and resulted in Sam Owens being yellow carded for a slap down. That left it 39 43 and Lansdowne leading again !!
Lansdowne added another 3 for not rolling away in the tackle and at 39 46 the game was set for a grandstand finish.
Tarf kicked off, Lansdowne gathered and added a phase which Soroka mugged for the turnover penalty. Tarf went to the corner (Quelle surprise!) and at the maul Lansdowne were caught for collapsing and conceded a penalty try for 46 46.
So, with 4 minutes left on the clock it was all about composure under pressure. Lansdowne kicked off and were penalised for going off their feet at the ruck. Tarf went to the lineout, mauled, went blind to Stephen Ryan who was high tackled for a final penalty. Con Kelly slotted it for 49 46 and Tarf held out for the final 4 minutes despite turning over possession for a big defensive set to the whistle for full time.
Well I’m breathless after writing this report. I hope I got the chronology correct because this game had everything except an assassination attempt. If sport is a metaphor for life then I want to meet the guy whose life is like this!!
Special mention to a few players. Stephen Ryan on the wing was a big part of a lot of good things that went our way on Saturday. His kick chase is superb and rattled errors out of the visitors in crucial areas of the pitch. Con Kelly was majestic in pretty much everything he did (drop outs anyone?) and is cementing a serious partnership with Tadhg Bird at 12. Their names will soon be entered into the Pantheon of great partnerships alongside such luminaries as Best and Law, Torville and Dean , Burke and Hare, The Lone Ranger and Tonto, Tom and Jerry and Dick Dastardly and Muttley ……
Next week is a weekend off for the Ireland V England game when we can all go to the Aviva and sit listening to people talking about golf and the price of beer in Quinta de Lago.
Happy Days ……. Cmon Ireland !!!
As always, many thanks to our Jersey Sponsors and to Peter Walsh for the words