There is a fundamental rule in radio broadcasting which demands that “Dead Air”, or silence for longer than a breath, is to be avoided at all costs. It makes sense that in an aural medium silence is a killer. The result, sometimes amusing, is that broadcasters are obliged to keep talking, keep communicating, keep spouting verbiage no matter what. Ryan Turbridy, late of RTE, was a master at this craft. A true professional who could keep droning out pulverising verbal rubbish like a drunken ticker tape machine. I swear I got caught listening to him one morning and after about two minutes of Ryan jabber I was close to a nervous breakdown. A witterer of biblical proportions was our Ryan. And well paid for it into the bargain!
On Saturday, the game from Belfield was live streamed by BF Sports. You can get it on YouTube and it’s a great addition to AIL Rugby. Part of this new experience is that the commentary, provided by “local amateur” club enthusiasts, can be an event in itself!
I’m not going to mention any names, but the commentary of Saturday’s match was worthy of a Ricky Gervais script with a large dollop of Ross O’Carroll Kelly delivery thrown in. A verbal cornucopia of D4 in jokes, schoolboy nicknames, and game analysis so riddled with bias it was borderline Trumpian. If you’re doing nothing on a rainy afternoon, I strongly recommend it. As a taster, how about “Jayney macarooster” or an exasperated “Sugarmuffins” to greet Tarfs first try. It’s uplifting that the future of a avant garde satirical script writing and performance is alive and well in UCD!
Fortunately, the game had loads to whoop over. It unfolded pretty much as Clontarf expected with UCD bringing a superb, structured attack from a courageous but depleted backline countered by Clontarf’s fast improving set-piece, earning penalties and maul opportunities.
UCD opened the scoring with a penalty to captain James Tarrant, which was soon wiped out by a mauled score to Dylan Donnellan for 3 7. UCD, not to be outdone, got in on the left for their own maul for 8 7 and, as HT approached, a home infringement brought Tarf to maul territory again and 8 12 at HT.
As the second half unfolded and fatigue began to play its part, the game started to break up and key influencers began to emerge. For Clontarf, Con Kelly was imperious and Will Reilly at 9 grew stronger and stronger as the game unfolded. He was to make a telling contribution with a fast tap penalty that led to Tarf’s third try.
With UCD still trailing by 4, some power down the left was followed by a swirling cross-kick gathered by full back Maloney who gave UCD back the lead at 15 12. That was to be the home side’s final score.
Con Kelly levelled the match with a penalty in front of the posts from a home scrum infringement. We then had Will Reilly’s burst from a fast tap which was taken on by John Vinson and Ben Griffin for Fionn Gilbert to get the simplest of touch downs for the third try and 15 20. UCD refused to buckle and had their strongest period of pressure with ball in hand.
Clontarf held firm, thanks to strong defending and some unfortunate handling errors by the home side. So when Con Kelly added another penalty, that gave Tarf an eight point lead at 15 23 and a modicum of breathing space. The final minutes were a frenzy, as Collidge fought to get into losing bonus point territory and the Tarf heavy brigade exacted serious punishment with some breathtaking hits.
The final cruel act came as a UCD attack broke down, Ben Griffin stole it and with no one covering 15, Con Kelly spotted the space and put a big boot downfield which was chased , caught , and touched down by Seni Reilly for the bonus point score. So 15 30 at the finish.
Both sides will see improvement as the season progresses. UCD will get some experience back and hopefully will add some bulk to their more rounded approach. Tarf will add better hands and guile to match their brute strength.
But lord help us today and tomorrow, the commentators are beyond helpadoody and have no futerooney.
Report by Peter Walsh. Photos courtesy of Michael Sheridan